A few days ago I was laying in bed listening to the baby cry over the monitor wondering how long I would have to *act* like I was asleep so Adam would get up with her. As I was trying to fake my perfect snore I thought back to the time before children. The Saturday (and Sunday for that matter) mornings when we slept until 10 or even “laid” in bed all day. When our mornings didn’t revolve around Mickey Mouse or sippy cups, and our plans didn’t have to be made around nap times. We could go to the grocery store whenever we wanted without the worry that someone would throw a screaming tantrum in the middle of the store (unless of course they didn’t have my wine in stock). I wondered how our lives would be if we had never had children.
Adam and I had a whirlwind courtship. I knew he was the man I was supposed to marry on our first date. We dated for six months before we got engaged and a year later were married. We discussed starting a family but I had been told that I might not be able to conceive because of issues I had had in the past. We decided that just wasn’t what we had planned for our lives. We were going to travel, and spoil our dogs, and enjoy each other.
A month after our first anniversary I found out I was pregnant. I cried. Not because I was happy, but because I didn’t know what Adam would say. This wasn’t what we had planned, how were we going to afford this. Our world was topsy turvy, upside down. My initial shock only lasted a few days, soon I was over the moon for this little life growing inside of me. It took Adam longer to warm up to the idea. I think he mourned longer for the life that we had planned, the one that flew out the window with two little pink lines.
We finally started to settle somewhat into our new life, and a month after Scarlett’s first birthday I found out I was pregnant again. Adam’s first response was “Again?”. Seriously. I cried again, because, how were we going to afford this, this isn’t in our new plan and the new feeling of how can I love another as much as the first. When she came I knew the answer. Your love as a mother, as a parent, doesn’t divide with each child, it multiplies.
We’ve had a crazy year. Again we are starting to settle into our new life as a family of 4. But on this particular morning, the monotony of it all came crashing down on me and I began to wonder what our lives would be like if we didn’t have these girls. No sippy cups or bottles, no cartoons or tea parties, no waking up at the crack of dawn every single day. To go and do as we please. Then, in the middle of my daydream of vacationing in Italy, I hear Adam come back into the bedroom and I roll over and see this face.
And shortly after this one crawls up in the bed.
All my thoughts are washed away. I think to myself “You big idiot!”. This may not be the life we planned, but nothing ever goes as planned. Some of the best adventures are the ones you never expected. We may not travel as much as we would like or get to sleep late on the weekends, we may be on the fast train to the terrorist threes, but our lives are just the way they are meant to be. Perfect.