Grief and Hope 

Grief. The word itself is ugly. It leaves an ugly black hole in the pit of my stomach. 

Grief comes from the Old French, grever, which means “to burden”.  It feels like a burden too, something we carry around on our backs like a heavy load. 

Some would think that grief gets easier with time, but really it only changes. 

My shock has worn down as the years have passed, but my grief is still as heavy and present as ever, and each passing year I forget more and more of the details. Like the sound of his laugh. Oh, how I wish I could remember what it sounded like. So, that grief, the initial shock of his death, morphs into grief for the loss of the details. I fear that eventually I’ll even forget his big bear hugs. 

I’ve written a lot about suicide since Will died, but it still needs to be talked about. Mental illness, depression, anxiety; these are all very real things. Until we, as a society, can get over the stigma attached to these things, then more families will continue to lose loved ones. And not just to suicide, but to things like addiction as well. 

I will live with my grief, carry that “burden”, and cling to the memories I have left until they, too, fade away. 

But there is hope as well. Hope that one day I may see him again. Hope, that by talking about these things another family may be spared the grief and heartache that we have experienced not once, but twice. 

Hope that someone may see this and know that they are loved and cared for and suicide is not the answer. 

And also hope in the Lord, for we do not have to carry this burden alone. 

Don’t wait to talk to your loved ones, don’t wait to talk to that kid at school that everyone makes fun of or the guy at work that keeps to himself. Your call, your smile or your hello could mean the difference between life and death. 

If you are the one suffering, please know that there is hope. You are not alone. 

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

J❤️

Our first baby (WW#2)

Our sweet Labrador, Jersey, passed away last Saturday. She was born December 26, 1999 and was with my husband 7 years before he and I ever met. She was our first baby, and survived a lot in her first few years. She was a good dog, one of the sweetest I’ve ever met. I will miss her dearly.

Is this not the cutest picture?

Is this not the cutest picture?

Jersey collage

Jersey5

Jersey2 Collage

Yes, that little black dot is her. She LOVED the river!

Yes, that little black dot is her. She LOVED the river!

Our first baby with our first baby...

Our first baby with our first baby…

I have to believe that she’s in a better place. She’s waiting for us on the other side. She has all the new tennis balls she could ask for, and we will play fetch again one day.

Love you sweet Jersey.

IMG_0470

 

 

♥ J

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One Year…

Our Queen of Hearts

Our Queen of Hearts

My sweet Savannah turned 1 on July 3rd. I can’t believe that it’s been a year. She brings so much joy to our lives. She is so different from her sister (yet they are a lot alike). It’s been amazing to watch her grow and learn and to see the love she has for everyone around her.

I found a red dress on clearance after Christmas and when I saw it I knew it would be her party dress. She is our Queen of Hearts so naturally we did an Alice in Wonderland theme.

Scarlett was Alice.

Alice

The perfect Alice

And of course our Queen of Hearts.

Queen Bee

All hail the queen!

I made the crown out of lace! Isn’t it adorable? I call that a Pinterest win! A friend gave me the idea and she got it here from Tatertots and Jello (I LOVE the name of her blog!).

We had lots of yummy food, and Adam’s Aunt made the cake. She did an amazing job and even whipped up some strawberry tarts. (They were SO good!)

Tea Party

Note the flamingos 😉

Cakes fit for a queen!

Cakes fit for a queen!

Don't these look yummy?!

Don’t these look yummy?!

I had grand plans to make a cute fabric banner to go on her high chair, but it just didn’t happen. I realized I had some crepe paper streamers left over from another party and decided to bring them with me at the last second. I think it turned out pretty darn good!

A throne for the queen

A throne for the queen

We ate lots of yummy food, and spent time with our family and friends. We opened gifts, and got lots of cuddles from this special little girl that we love so much.

Yummy

Sharing

Alice

"What do mean it's not time for cake yet?!"

“What do mean it’s not time for cake yet?!”

 

Make a wish!

 

"Here let me help you"

Here let me help you

Hmm, I'm not sure...

Hmm, I’m not sure…

Mmmmmm, Cake!

Mmmmmm, Cake!

 

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday sweet girl. We love you so much!

♥ J